And soon yr 2005 will be history and we wun get to relive this yr again which is gd cos it hasnt been a very gd yr for me. Actually i cant wait for yr 2006 to come cos tt's when i'll get out of the fucking army which is a fucking land of boredom.

Guess what?

I'll be spending the 1st moments of the new yr wif my parents cos they're 2 of the most impt ppl in my life and tt beats having to spend new yr stayin at home watching tv which i had in mind earlier on.

Hah. Fuck 2005.

I m on a tight budget for my xmas presents simply cos i hav no money. Going for present hunting wif jan ltr.. so im gonna say sorry to the recipients of the presents. Yina and all r coming over ltr tonite and boy do i miss them so..

Hav been reminiscing much abt the past.. where my life was ever so energetic.. was hardly ever home and stayed out till 4 to 5am during the weekends.. Now my life is jus so stagnant.. now i'm hardly ever out.. jus the thought of stepping out the house cowers me.. cos everything tt had happened has crippled me greatly.. i can no longer stand up.. yet as hard as i might, i try.. there isnt a solid ground for me to stand firm.

I hate this kinda life. I fucking hate it.

Aw.. How I love my life.

ok.. the best xmas gift so far..

One of the dumb photos i took when i was on duty ytd

Optimism: Instead of crying over spilt milk, go milk another cow.
Yes.. it was printed on one of the calendar pages on the desk and i believe it was directed to me. As for me, i'm still crying over the spilt milk and milking another cow simultaneously. O well.

Be contented wif what God has bestowed upon u.. be it good or bad.. don't seek for the betterment of life thru trudging phoney alternative paths tt may appear all that perfect and too good to be true.
There's a hefty price to pay for it.
I drifted down the unchallenged route,
and,
regretted gravely.
My dreams... Hopes.. everything all shattered..
I feel so hopeless.. Unmotivated to live..

Found an interim blogskin.. Jus wanna change it for the meantime.. Anw i've been contemplating on how to spend my 8mths+ effectively prior to the admission to Uni.. It may seem extremely distant even tho i'm left a yr wif this mundane lifestyle (it'll probably be the most protracted 1 yr esp when "i'm serving the nation" in brandishing "arms") but nevertheless, i'm still gonna pen it down so tt at least i'll hav the skeleton of what to do then:

• sign up for a diving/sailing/wakeboarding course
• work as an adventure camp trainer or sth i'm interested in
• join a basketball club (maybe not)
• get a fucking driving license('ve been procrastinating for so long cos' i'm jus lazy; maybe takin nxt yr)
• plenty of sleep
• a normal routine of sports

k.. it may sound ludicrous to do so many things within the 8mths but 8mths is a bloody long time i must say.

Thank God for Xmas.

.... headache...

In our everyday life, it's not unusual to see ppl of different faces, of contrasting personalities and definitely from different family backgrounds come by every now and then.. be it across the street, crossing of paths, etc. Do we ever stop to ponder over why a person cloths the way he does or why she's holding a cudgel in her left hand and an empty plastic bag in her right hand? The first instinctive thought to a person may be that she's weird and so we give her a contemptuous snort or just scoff at her wif our "accomplices". However, if we were to tail her up to a nearest rubbish bin, u will feel downcasted and ashamed of thinking what u did earlier. What you will witness, is similar to the scene of a poor native african boy searching for food from a waste bin in an african village. In this case, she was collecting empty metal cans to sustain her survival. Argh, what a painful scene.

omg wtf m i talkin abt. Fuck it fuck it!

Life has 2 paths to it - either a happy one, or the antonym.. which coincidentally mirrors a coin with 2 flipsides. Similarly, u get to spend it only once.. so do spend it wisely..

Enjoy dinner yup... yea now i wun..

Finally my stupid com is working.. thx to my bro i think.. anw i miss them.. everyone.. alot.. can't wait for everything to be over..cos only then, i'll decide to meet them.. yea..
Sigh.. tired.. bye.

Havent been bloggin for a fucking long time.. yea i noe..been busy and most importantly my com is down with virus and everything is just going so damn wrong. There're so many things goin on in my head until i'm jus so sick of life..i can't fall asleep at nite yet during the day i'll jus feel so restless, groggy and whatsoever.. ah.. u noe la.Been drifting away from my close usual hang-out friends..And it's not tat i dun wanna go out wif them it's jus cos i've totally lost my self-confidence.. it's jus shattered.. Like a village being obliterated by the impact of an asteroid which results in a total wrecked, barren land.. No one understands how i feel.. i jus feel so jaded... tired.. completely worn out.. tat sudden change in my way of life jus left me breathing alone in my own space.. it jus hurts so much.. everything... it jus gets deeper when i thought the wound was healed.. u jus wldnt noe.. u jus wldnt.. I dun dare to face the world.. yet it's somiserable living in solitude..

Just tired. So sick of everything.. I want a break.. A break from the local sights and sounds... especially the ones in camp.. U'll never noe wad's beneath the cover... Fuck it alrite.

Drained. Anw sprained my ankle while playin bball last wk.. dun think it's gettin any better.. Seriously hoping for a better wk ahead.. cya folks.

Went shopping alone after church.. Jus din wan any company and din wanna go home.. so decided to walk ard taka.. bought some stuffs..

Can't forget it.. it'd alr filled my mind.. permeated into every single brain cell.. clogged up my windpipe.. i've lost every will to breathe..

The overcast skies are gone.. The majestic sun rose gingerly above the horizon shooting radiant rays of light into the darkness.. The sky was fiery red.. it was indeed a scenic sight.

Denise will be goin to Melbourne to study tml.. im supposed to send her off but ive got a fucking ndp rehearsal.. im gonna miss her man..

I rilly dunno how to describe my feelins now.. My heart had plunged to the lowest depths.. Lost the will to eat.. my tastebuds became numb.. I m so so miserable.. I rilly hope it'll be over soon.. like uve promised me.. tts all i ask for.. tts all.... rilly..

My heart palpitates wildly in your presence.. but yearns in ur absence.. It withers upon thinking abt the unfortunate plight we are in.. and lightens when not..

This feeling sux.. the sense of longing.. the thinking, hoping and missing..

Life.. is a stalk of rose.. for when it comes into being, is innocent and undaunting, with no threat concealed in its shadow. However, when it treads down the path of maturity, its thorns reveal and taunt its bearer, but with meticulous handling, it will eventually be overcome with no harm done. Under optimum conditions, it will be at its peak and bloom crimson petals successfully in its appreciation. Yet exposed to gusts of strong wind and torrential rain, its stronghold will be crippled, which leads to the withering of its brightly coloured flower and unsuccessful attempts to rebloom. However, in rare cases, it may, if it were to have the will. Or... perhaps not.

Fuck la. Shldnt hav gone out at all.. wasnt in the right mood.. was rather angsty yet at the same time, depressed. Dunno for wad fuckin reason. Probably cos i was jus too tired after the swim.. din hav the energy to laugh at jokes or to even take part in any conversation. Was jus so.... so distracted; disillusioned.. I was like in my own world.. oblivious to the things ard me.. Felt so weighed down. It's like i'm troubled over something.. yet i dunno wad it is. It's jus like waking up on the wrong side of the bed..
Arh fuck it.

Hey to everyone out there.. there'll be a party at Indochine on the 11th of june(sat) from 10pm - 3am.. R & B hiphop all nite.. tickets r priced at $18 with a complimentary drink and lotsa promos. Those interested can get tickets from me.. can contact me at 98222193. Thx.

Ah.. a fucking boring week.. dun really wanna talk abt it..

tried pumping my bball jus now to bring to camp but the pump jus ran out of gas.. damn.. gotta buy a new one soon..

Andrew's bdae bbq wasnt as bad as i thought it to be.. heh.. and i felt a lil guilty goin there empty handed.. wasnt tt fun either.. it was jus........ jus ok. return cab fare was 10 bucks.. spent a total of abt 150 bucks alr during these 2 days..

Jus found out ytd tt denise has a bf now.. they got together jus 3 days ago.. haha looks like i hav 1 less clubbing buddy in future..

i miss tt person v much.. cant slp at nite..

hungry. waiting for food.

Anw.. gotta stay in for 2 mths.. since work ends at 530.. we shld be able to play sports before dinner.. haha..

I want my food.

Indochine was madness last nite man.. Drank on an empty stomach and i was groggy upon drinking the 2nd cup of vodka. Haha.. music fucking rocked!(tho a few songs were repeated towards the end) A few puffs kept the party and spirits high.. went wif ziyang, david, dunnie, denise and ivan. Alot of chiobus who cld dance pretty well.... anw it was supposed to be a cj party but saw mani acsians there nvrtheless.. similar to phuture(the crowd) but indochine's much better(tho the price was abit steep - $23).

Saw cheryl ytd.. she met up wif us to pass dunnie some stuffs.. she's rilly pretty man..

Feelin damn fucked up right now. It's just a feelin.. maybe it'll go away after lurking ard for awhile..

I'm Just a Kid

I woke up it was 7
Waited till 11 just to figure out that no one would call
I think i got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
and here it goes

I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that its not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
having more fun than me

And maybe when the night is dead, i'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And their gonna leave me here on my own

What the fuck is wrong with me?
don't fit in with anybody
How did this happen to me?
Wide awake I'm bored and I can't fall asleep
cause every night is the worst night ever

I'm just a kid

I'm all alone tonight
Nobody cares tonight
Cause im just a kid tonight

I've got alot of friends.. but close ones... err... gotta think abt it..

Feel like 1 of my wings has been clipped off.. it has alwiz been this way yet i havent realised it all this while.. Nth much has changed.. like an ant lost from its colony...

Havent been clubbing lately.. almost 2wks alr.. no mood actually.. so its just watching movie and playin pool with denise ivan dunnie and ziyang till the sun rises.

Goin sentosa today.. hope it doesnt rain else it wun be fun..

Suddenly obsessed with abercrombie & fitch clothes.. they're seriously damn nice.. its a pity they dun own a shop here.. think i'll probably order the clothes online..

Still waiting impatiently for my hair to grow............