Watched "Stepford wives" with a few secondary school friends today.. Shall not comment on it.. Just not up to my expectations.. Felt good after meeting them.. yep
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. William James (1842 - 1910)
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Can't concentrate now.. there's this sudden urge to go out.. out of this enclosure of mine.. eagerly formed by the various piles of books and notes, and fed by words of knowledge and wisdom as part of the meal. I've had enough. The inadequate network of channels within the television's receiving circumference has sufficient grounds to allow me to voice out my indignation. The Olympics, is an all-favourite programme now, not because we want to marvel at the perfection of the gymnasts' stunts nor envy the incredible speed that the athletes are endowed with; but we are compelled to watch it.
Instead of replenishing my energy and concentration span while resting, the lack of leisure facilities brings about the adverse change, by further devouring them.
Instead of replenishing my energy and concentration span while resting, the lack of leisure facilities brings about the adverse change, by further devouring them.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Friday, August 20, 2004
Really feel very sorry for myself. Can't seem to focus; my mind just wanders off everytime I try to study. Just feel like putting all the workload and stress aside, to reflect upon myself and to spend more time with my family and friends. Regretted sailing through the whole of J1 without much gain. Can't cope with my work anymore, seriously, after realising that there's so much to be done, yet there's so little time. Even though now I've understood most of the concepts for Physics, but I just don't have enough time to practise and even so, there's no one to guide me at home. I'm really fucked.
Retaining is probably the only solution, since to me, the merits earned by retaining outweigh that of the disadvantages. Come to think of it, it is true, yet untrue. In terms of climbing up the academic ladder, I'm all for it... Yet there are things which hold me back. One of which is having to change. My life will have to change, be it socially or mentally. You may say that having to change is part and parcel of life but that is something which I strongly resist. Having to bid farewell to my fellow budmates and welcoming a new world of hypocrites perhaps, and lots of uncertainty. Forging new bonds and having to change to adapt to their lifestyles ain't my cup of tea.
Secondly, I can't stand the school anymore. I really dread attending school. There are times when your emotions run like the roller coaster and times when you have to face situations which are not favourable and leaves you wondering what kind of a person you really are. I dare say that I've lost my identity ever since stepping into the college. Maybe I've made the wrong choice.. but to me, every decision I'd made, is unmistakably wrong.
In the preparation for the prelims, I've slogged real hard.. day and night, or should I say, day to night. However, somewhere within my heart tells me that I'm not up to it and I know it too. For this whole month and the past month, I studied like I never did before trying to comprehend concepts after concepts, theory after theory; but I feel that I've been wasting all my time, because I don't know what to study.. especially for physics.. I really need notes which summarise every single chapter such that I am confident of what i'm studying and the technique of resolving the questions.
So what if I've been studying hard? I find no time to relax and i'm forever pushing away outings with my friends. And the main point is that I still won't do well. It's not hard work that counts. It's the style of studying with the correct set of notes.
I really want to withdraw from school, but for now, I just need time to sort out my thoughts and live a stress free life. That's all I ask.
Retaining is probably the only solution, since to me, the merits earned by retaining outweigh that of the disadvantages. Come to think of it, it is true, yet untrue. In terms of climbing up the academic ladder, I'm all for it... Yet there are things which hold me back. One of which is having to change. My life will have to change, be it socially or mentally. You may say that having to change is part and parcel of life but that is something which I strongly resist. Having to bid farewell to my fellow budmates and welcoming a new world of hypocrites perhaps, and lots of uncertainty. Forging new bonds and having to change to adapt to their lifestyles ain't my cup of tea.
Secondly, I can't stand the school anymore. I really dread attending school. There are times when your emotions run like the roller coaster and times when you have to face situations which are not favourable and leaves you wondering what kind of a person you really are. I dare say that I've lost my identity ever since stepping into the college. Maybe I've made the wrong choice.. but to me, every decision I'd made, is unmistakably wrong.
In the preparation for the prelims, I've slogged real hard.. day and night, or should I say, day to night. However, somewhere within my heart tells me that I'm not up to it and I know it too. For this whole month and the past month, I studied like I never did before trying to comprehend concepts after concepts, theory after theory; but I feel that I've been wasting all my time, because I don't know what to study.. especially for physics.. I really need notes which summarise every single chapter such that I am confident of what i'm studying and the technique of resolving the questions.
So what if I've been studying hard? I find no time to relax and i'm forever pushing away outings with my friends. And the main point is that I still won't do well. It's not hard work that counts. It's the style of studying with the correct set of notes.
I really want to withdraw from school, but for now, I just need time to sort out my thoughts and live a stress free life. That's all I ask.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Doubts about tomorrow..
Why bother looking forward to tomorrow when we do not know our fate then? We may just have a relapse of a terminal illness which no one, not even yourself, recognises that it exists within you. Or more likely, get run down by a vehicle while crossing the road to shop for some groceries. It is predestined. Only God has a say. Like one said, " a day lived, is a day earned/gained." We should be thankful for today, and not be hopeful for tomorrow..
The news had just reported about a heart complexity which leads to a sudden seizure and if it's not being resuscitated within 15 mins, you're a goner. And the unfathomable fact is that it isn't caused by the commonly used term, " clogged artery" which leads to a heart attack, but other factors(of which I do not know, I just know that it's called SCD or sth). It has already claimed many lives and on the average, 1 person will die from this illness everyday. Anyone aged between 18yrs and above can qualify.
Argh fuck it. Don't know why the sudden urge to write about such stuffs. Perhaps my time is near, cos' I've heard of this saying before: He who's dying, knows that he is.
Anyway just finished maths tuition at 12 am. Feel like a zombie now.
Why bother looking forward to tomorrow when we do not know our fate then? We may just have a relapse of a terminal illness which no one, not even yourself, recognises that it exists within you. Or more likely, get run down by a vehicle while crossing the road to shop for some groceries. It is predestined. Only God has a say. Like one said, " a day lived, is a day earned/gained." We should be thankful for today, and not be hopeful for tomorrow..
The news had just reported about a heart complexity which leads to a sudden seizure and if it's not being resuscitated within 15 mins, you're a goner. And the unfathomable fact is that it isn't caused by the commonly used term, " clogged artery" which leads to a heart attack, but other factors(of which I do not know, I just know that it's called SCD or sth). It has already claimed many lives and on the average, 1 person will die from this illness everyday. Anyone aged between 18yrs and above can qualify.
Argh fuck it. Don't know why the sudden urge to write about such stuffs. Perhaps my time is near, cos' I've heard of this saying before: He who's dying, knows that he is.
Anyway just finished maths tuition at 12 am. Feel like a zombie now.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
A Night of Distress
The clamour which echoed along the hallway served as a drug, more like caffein, to keep him awake as if reminding him to start being bogged down by work. Certainly the noise which had "permeated" through the gaps left by incompetent carpentry, or more so, specially designed to ventilate the room, could be considered as being on par with that produced while ruling a piece of glass.
When he set his mind adrift subconsciously, he would be brought back to reality by an instantaneous deafening "bang", by the door; As he attempted to study, his eyes would be fixed on the sheet of paper filled with words, yet his heart and his mind had lost focus to somewhere else -- trying to predict when the blast would sound again by noting the climax of the squabble.
The mismatched timbres of voices soon ceased and he gladly cuddled into the what seemed impeccably woven quilt. However, his happiness was shortlived. As the door was gingerly opened, he knew the worst had come. His father had moved his nest into the room, and there, his eardrums suffered.
The clamour which echoed along the hallway served as a drug, more like caffein, to keep him awake as if reminding him to start being bogged down by work. Certainly the noise which had "permeated" through the gaps left by incompetent carpentry, or more so, specially designed to ventilate the room, could be considered as being on par with that produced while ruling a piece of glass.
When he set his mind adrift subconsciously, he would be brought back to reality by an instantaneous deafening "bang", by the door; As he attempted to study, his eyes would be fixed on the sheet of paper filled with words, yet his heart and his mind had lost focus to somewhere else -- trying to predict when the blast would sound again by noting the climax of the squabble.
The mismatched timbres of voices soon ceased and he gladly cuddled into the what seemed impeccably woven quilt. However, his happiness was shortlived. As the door was gingerly opened, he knew the worst had come. His father had moved his nest into the room, and there, his eardrums suffered.
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