Janice,Melvin,me 

Hee teck, me, Bernard 

My class 2SG2 

Again, stress has caught up with me once more.. Hitting me haphazardly, from all directions; from different aspects, at every angle. Distraction is a major factor, though indirectly, it has caused precious time to be squandered away, be it knowingly or unknowingly. Getting tired of worrying and the feeling of insecurity. Avenues through which I can confide in are gradually dwindling in numbers. Life is meaningless.

It was never meant to be this way, I was wrong.

Recollections

As I leaned upon the wall that stood at a perfect right angle to the bed frame while resting on the bed, flashbacks of memories recurred in my mind. No, not those revolting experiences, but the heartening ones -- the ones which involved spending time with friends, and mingling with unfamiliar figures. Friends are indeed crucial in anyone's life, as they will determine your emotions at any instant, and leave a mark in your memories which will be etched in your heart until the age to come.

Thinking back, friends may also play a part in the kind of sports you like. The sport may in fact be a spirit dousing boring game but it's the interaction with your friends that makes you gain interest in the game.

Friends are also solutions to solitude and decisions in critical dilemmas.

Look how great the role of a friend is.. Be glad that you have them and most importantly, treasure them.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit~
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you're hardest hit~
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

What a way to end the weekend.. I'm fucking pissed..

As the week of holidays comes to an end, I realised that I did go out everyday.. and most of the days were with my AC friends.. They really play a huge part in my life I must say.. they've given me motivation, encouragement and comfort when I most needed them.. I'm indeed contented with my circle of friends at present.. Thanks for the company and joy during this week of holidays.

Haven't been blogging for damn long because i'd been preoccupied with a myriad of activities.. My birthday on 4th of september was incredibly fun-filled.. not because of the rides at ESCAPE Theme Park.. but more of the accompaniment coupled with it. Had steamboat at Marina Bay after that, where they surprised me with a birthday cake from NYDC.. the coffee-mocha cake served as a perfect finale at the end of the meal.. Had to bring home the cake since most of us were too bloated to feed in more cake. A few of us wanted to catch a late night movie but were turned down by the low availability of vacant seats. Really enjoyed myself alot.. Was really my best birthday in all these years.. Thanks to all who were present to celebrate that special day with me.

The following day I went out with my secondary school classmates in the afternoon and ex-bandmates in the evening.. All in all I had 4 birthday cakes in my refrigerator including the cake bought by my parents..

Anyway this was the most prolonged birthday ever.. haha.. had 3 days of celebration.. Oh ya forgot to mention that I had already celebrated with my family on Friday.. yep..

I'm truly grateful to have this bunch of friends who had made my birthday the most enjoyable one.. Thanks alot.. Thanks for the cards and gifts too..

whatever man.. don't know whether I should go tomorrow.. don't think it will go well..

watched 13 going on 30 today.. some fairy tale cliche.. anyway went to play table tennis at Ian's house with abt 11 J2s after that.. haha.. have been exercising like crazy.. went swimming, gymming, running and played table tennis from 4pm to 1030 pm yesterday.. almost skipped dinner.. damn worn out.

Watched "Stepford wives" with a few secondary school friends today.. Shall not comment on it.. Just not up to my expectations.. Felt good after meeting them.. yep

Can't concentrate now.. there's this sudden urge to go out.. out of this enclosure of mine.. eagerly formed by the various piles of books and notes, and fed by words of knowledge and wisdom as part of the meal. I've had enough. The inadequate network of channels within the television's receiving circumference has sufficient grounds to allow me to voice out my indignation. The Olympics, is an all-favourite programme now, not because we want to marvel at the perfection of the gymnasts' stunts nor envy the incredible speed that the athletes are endowed with; but we are compelled to watch it.
Instead of replenishing my energy and concentration span while resting, the lack of leisure facilities brings about the adverse change, by further devouring them.

Just watched "face".. Was quite pointless in having the female ghost.. A rather disappointing horror I would say.. nevertheless, it contained a fairly comprehensive plot with a touch of romance every now and then..

Alas, can finally settle for some rest. Just finished swimming.. damn tired now. Think Physics today is damn fucked.. never mind.. Anyway I've a premonition that I wun enjoy a good week ahead.. and I know that it's gonna be true..

Really feel very sorry for myself. Can't seem to focus; my mind just wanders off everytime I try to study. Just feel like putting all the workload and stress aside, to reflect upon myself and to spend more time with my family and friends. Regretted sailing through the whole of J1 without much gain. Can't cope with my work anymore, seriously, after realising that there's so much to be done, yet there's so little time. Even though now I've understood most of the concepts for Physics, but I just don't have enough time to practise and even so, there's no one to guide me at home. I'm really fucked.

Retaining is probably the only solution, since to me, the merits earned by retaining outweigh that of the disadvantages. Come to think of it, it is true, yet untrue. In terms of climbing up the academic ladder, I'm all for it... Yet there are things which hold me back. One of which is having to change. My life will have to change, be it socially or mentally. You may say that having to change is part and parcel of life but that is something which I strongly resist. Having to bid farewell to my fellow budmates and welcoming a new world of hypocrites perhaps, and lots of uncertainty. Forging new bonds and having to change to adapt to their lifestyles ain't my cup of tea.

Secondly, I can't stand the school anymore. I really dread attending school. There are times when your emotions run like the roller coaster and times when you have to face situations which are not favourable and leaves you wondering what kind of a person you really are. I dare say that I've lost my identity ever since stepping into the college. Maybe I've made the wrong choice.. but to me, every decision I'd made, is unmistakably wrong.

In the preparation for the prelims, I've slogged real hard.. day and night, or should I say, day to night. However, somewhere within my heart tells me that I'm not up to it and I know it too. For this whole month and the past month, I studied like I never did before trying to comprehend concepts after concepts, theory after theory; but I feel that I've been wasting all my time, because I don't know what to study.. especially for physics.. I really need notes which summarise every single chapter such that I am confident of what i'm studying and the technique of resolving the questions.

So what if I've been studying hard? I find no time to relax and i'm forever pushing away outings with my friends. And the main point is that I still won't do well. It's not hard work that counts. It's the style of studying with the correct set of notes.

I really want to withdraw from school, but for now, I just need time to sort out my thoughts and live a stress free life. That's all I ask.

fuck. fucking fucked up day. fucking pissed at myself and everyone. fucking waste of my time. fuck. fuck everyone.

Doubts about tomorrow..

Why bother looking forward to tomorrow when we do not know our fate then? We may just have a relapse of a terminal illness which no one, not even yourself, recognises that it exists within you. Or more likely, get run down by a vehicle while crossing the road to shop for some groceries. It is predestined. Only God has a say. Like one said, " a day lived, is a day earned/gained." We should be thankful for today, and not be hopeful for tomorrow..

The news had just reported about a heart complexity which leads to a sudden seizure and if it's not being resuscitated within 15 mins, you're a goner. And the unfathomable fact is that it isn't caused by the commonly used term, " clogged artery" which leads to a heart attack, but other factors(of which I do not know, I just know that it's called SCD or sth). It has already claimed many lives and on the average, 1 person will die from this illness everyday. Anyone aged between 18yrs and above can qualify.

Argh fuck it. Don't know why the sudden urge to write about such stuffs. Perhaps my time is near, cos' I've heard of this saying before: He who's dying, knows that he is.

Anyway just finished maths tuition at 12 am. Feel like a zombie now.

A Night of Distress

The clamour which echoed along the hallway served as a drug, more like caffein, to keep him awake as if reminding him to start being bogged down by work. Certainly the noise which had "permeated" through the gaps left by incompetent carpentry, or more so, specially designed to ventilate the room, could be considered as being on par with that produced while ruling a piece of glass.

When he set his mind adrift subconsciously, he would be brought back to reality by an instantaneous deafening "bang", by the door; As he attempted to study, his eyes would be fixed on the sheet of paper filled with words, yet his heart and his mind had lost focus to somewhere else -- trying to predict when the blast would sound again by noting the climax of the squabble.

The mismatched timbres of voices soon ceased and he gladly cuddled into the what seemed impeccably woven quilt. However, his happiness was shortlived. As the door was gingerly opened, he knew the worst had come. His father had moved his nest into the room, and there, his eardrums suffered.

My Thoughts..

     Was supposed to go out with Jovan, Yina and a few of our friends to give him a belated birthday celebration. The plan was foiled by the Physics tuition today -- setting aside no time for this event. Feel rather bad. Shall postpone(not cancel) it. yep.
     Anyway, have been quite busy recently. Firstly, due to the study plan i'd drawn out for the coming Prelims. Everyday, I'm packed with numerous chapters to cover, leaving no time for rest. Secondly, it's due to the number of punishment essays I had to complete, for not doing essay outlines and eventually skipped that GP lesson. On top of that, I have to attend to DCs next week on tues and wed.
     Oh ya, speaking of the essays.. I have to thank Jillyan for taking time to help me write one of the essays; Daniel for helping me find model essays from the intranet; Guosheng for wanting to help; Cheryl and Yin ching for giving me ideas to write the essays; David for his die-hard spirit in helping me to fax his essay to Brandon and Ian so that they could scan and send it to me for copying; Brandon for attempting to receive the fax from David but failed; Ian for receiving the fax, scanning it and sending to me, and typed out the essay for me with modifications to David's essay.
     Haha.. so many people to thank. Yea, but I'm truly grateful for all these friends for which without them I wouldn't have completed the essays within 1 day. To Jill: I still remember the treat k.
     K la.. Decided to blog to stray away from the books for awhile. Tried to study for abt an hour but couldn't absorb. Just feeling damn tired. K continuing now. Bye.

Mood: Dying

The "aftermath" 
  
I haven't been penning my thoughts down lately partly due to the adaptation I had to make from the transition between the Switzerland trip and reality.. On the day of my arrival back to Singapore, my feelings were simply numb; bidding farewell to the company I was with the past week was a simple feat and I thought that I was simply tired(due to the jet lag I suppose), so much so that I had tossed away all happy as well as unhappy thoughts, for the longing of seeing my bed. 

When I woke up at 7pm in the evening(slept for 6 hours), I felt a tinge of sadness mixed with a sense of helplessness. With the impending exams, I knew I was in deep shit. There I sat on the familiarly comfortable "wheelie" chair, my eyes were fixed on an insignificant trinket owned by my brother and I began to reminisce about the various events that took place in Switzerland as well as its picturesque landscapes and landforms shaped up by the phenomena of nature. As I teared, I told myself that it was over. It's now back to fixed routines and busy schedules with tonnes of workload. Hey, I do know that most of you people out there had experienced or are still experiencing this "side-effects" of the trip, just to let you know that it is over and be brave about facing reality. Afterall, you are not alone in this.

Mood: Hungry

Just uploaded the 2nd half of the switzerland trip photos.. more to come.. check out the photo gallery..

Depression

Swiss trip is over.. and I have no more mood for anything.. I'm like in a state of depression right now. Everything's gone. Nothing to look forward to. Everyday is just studying from now onwards, and I should achieve at least 3-4 topics of any subject a day in order to finish the syllabus on time for prelims. I don't know how i'm supposed to do that. Can't go out at all for 1 whole month. Can't even hold/attend a party since all my friends will be studying. I'm seriously very depressed. Don't know whether I should retain or not. Sigh.. Really miss all my friends at the trip. Can't even get together at all from now till end of prelims. Damn sad.

Mood: Depressed/Lost

Death looms..

Recently, I've heard about a few tragedies that made me treasure life even more.. First was the demise of my uncle then was the news about a secondary sch girl, my junior in tkss, who had languished during 1 of the recent band practices and was diagnosed with brain tumour. She had her 1st operation today and the doctors are still deliberating as to whether the 2nd operation can be conducted due to the overgrown tumour.

2 days ago when I went to help out at my uncle's wake, I witnessed several incidents where my cousins(the 2 daughters of my uncle) actually put on a false upfront by holding back their tears and pretending to cast mild smiles on their faces when their friends came to visit them. However, after exchanging a few lines of conversation, they would be embraced by the warmth brought about by those who cared. Tears would then come trickling down their cheeks and unmask their true yet sincere emotions.

Then came a question which I had pondered over for quite sometime. I wondered if anyone would shed their tears for me when death has decided to withdraw my existence from the world. Perhaps I'm worthy of the tears of my parents... and my brother of course.. but I ain't sure about my friends.

Mood: Itchy

Behold, what's set before you..

Damn shagged now.. Just did Maths tutorial 38 and I'm almost done with it. Hate it. All the solutions require lengthy answers and once an error is being identified, you have to redo the whole bloody question. That's the problem about Maths.

Anyway, went out with Melvin, Ian, Joel and Daniel to study at Holland Village. We attempted, but our concentration spans were short-lived. Haha.. did a few questions of Maths tutorial 38 and most of the time we were making noise, patrolling the streets and patronising the shophouses.

Argh.. 2 more days of the holidays and school starts.. this sucks big time man. We go to school to learn, yet the more we learn, the more we forget; the more we forget, the less we know.. and eventually, we don't actually learn much.

Ya we know.. As one always say: A person with a higher level of education tend to possess a higher probability of getting a job of authoritative status and he, is the prototype of a successful life.

Though education may be a stepping stone to a more stable and respectable vocation, a latent precarious footing of the many stones is set in the midst where once not careful, one may plunge into the abyss readily created for failures.

Sad, you may say, yet nothing can be done to salvage what's already done. Hence the phrase, " no use crying over spilt milk". Though it may be hard to accept, it is the factual truth.

Uhh.. Life sux. School sux. Cheers.

Mood: Lethargic/Sick (of life that is)

The return of the haze..

The usual morning air rush had been conquered by what seemed like a familiar foreign odour. The haze had once again intruded the atmosphere of Singapore, and ever so gingerly, it permeated into the homes of the locals just like it did into mine. As I peered over the buildings from the 8th storey, my vision was greatly obscured by the remnance of burnt trees as the dust particles housed in it reflected all illumination from the fiery ball.
I was awakened by a relapse of migraine as the pain struck in spasms as well as by the effects of the choking mist. After which, I received a SMS from my Mum that encapsulated the death of my uncle, who had been diagnosed with liver cancer a month or so ago, just half an hour before I woke up.

Ahh.. what a fateful morning. Darn.

Mood: Lost/Blank

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Spick 'n' Span

Yesterday was a rather uninteresting day. Was snapped out from my slumberland by the exuberant "goodness" of the fireball which hanged loosely in the vast blue sky. As if mimicking the stars in the dark, a spot of gleam, shooting radiant rays of light into the earth; causing me to feel a sense of uneasiness as the clash of cold and hot air landed upon my shell.

"Argh!", I snorted.

I then woke up, using much force to lift up the heavy eyelids. Rays of the sun struck my eyes similar to a raindrop hitting the surface of a window. The bed, an object depicting comfort, had gradually evolved into a revolting sun's nest.

The creaking of the stainless steel ladders double-glazed the layer of discomfort to a higher level. The renovators had arrived. Time to set my room free from my grasp.

Prior to the dismissal of the renovators, I sneaked a short nap on the fluffy sofa that sat in the living room. Lumps of grey wool which carried a few strands of hair decorated the tiled-floor.The room was infested with saw dust and dirt.

I groped around for the mouse hidden beneath the thin layers of newspapers and realised that my palm had turned to a dirty grey-black. This marked the beginning of my room-cleaning task. A wet towel was all I had to ensure the cleanliness of the table tops and the ornaments. This wasted like an hour of my life and a further hour for sweeping and mopping the floor, and shifting I even rearranged the computer system and tied the wires together.

A total of 3 hours, I had spent on tidying and cleaning up my room. "Spick and span" was all I aimed for and I could confidently announce that I had hit a bull's eye on my target.

Results of the renovation yesterday:
1)Installed a new television in my room
2)Working lights
3)Installed a noticeboard
4)Added more powerpoints

*Hope the blinds for the windows can be added as soon as possible so that I can sleep to my heart's content in the morning.

Mood: Bored

Bungalow Infatuation..

Just returned from the bungalow chalet stay in SAFRA Changi today. It was 'helluva' fun.

First night, the barbeque sparked off the cheery ambience and the sole object of this barbeque was sort of attained -- to allow people from all walks of life within the congregation to gel and to engage in mutual spontaneous communication. "Myriad" choices of card games arose after the barbeque during the protracted "post-bbq period". Simultaneously, the cackling of the mahjong tiles could be heard as an undertone to the different pitches of voices from the masses, as well as the voices from the commentators and the supporting fans of EURO 2004.
These extended into the wee hours despite the drastic plunge in the figures of the bungalow population as the crowd gradually dwindled with time.
Finally, I was overly-burdened by the lethargy and knocked out at about five in the morning.

When I woke up, it was time for lunch. The hands of the clock had coincided at 12. Haha.. Can't believe that I managed to sleep a bloody 7 hours during a chalet.

The day continued with a swim at 3pm when a ball with bright rioting colours was involved in a game of monkey in the pool; being passed to and fro overhead, above Kevin in a parabolic manner.

Dinner time was worth mentioning as we feasted in succulent oriental cuisine in a Chinese restaurant where our skimpy casings of casual t-shirts and shorts coupled with a pair of sandals or slippers seemed improper. Ten dollars per person was the budget for the dinner and it encompassed the various taxes for the profit of the government as well as the restaurant. Soup, fish, Kai-lan, pork ribs, tofu, fu-yong egg with free flow of rice and chinese tea. These mouth-watering dishes were part of our 6-course dinner and this exquisite menu was exclusively designed by the manager himself for our contentment.
Ahh.. what an unforgettable experience..

Our last day was rather uneventful as we had to check out by 10am. Watched Shrek 2 at PS after that.

That's it.. I'm utterly worn out. Night.

Mood: Real tired

Finally..

Ahh.. finally get to use my own computer again.. haha.. although the renovation has not fully completed its task of giving my room a complete facelift, I decided to re-plug the wires for the computer as I really miss using it.
Oh yes, the concert is finally over.. It can be considered as a success since most of the people sitting in the audience were contented with the performance.
Added alot more photos in the photo gallery. Check it out.

Mood: Pleasant

Sailing through time...

I haven't been blogging for a damn long period of time due to the relocation of my computer system. All these renovations have exclusively created a mundane and kinda "ston-ey" lifestyle for me. My computer as well as all the other furniture in the room, have been shifted out with all wires totally unplugged and detached from one another leaving a bare bleak room revealing silhouettes of the remaining walls caused by the radiant rays of light of dawn and dusk.
The resounding clamour produced by the clashes of voices echoed the room and pierced right through my ears engulfing my brain. The remnence of what's left are seemingly similar to the decapitated bodies in a warfront. It's utterly revolting to stay in the room as the chipped-off walls and the "debris" converted a room into a hideous looking slum.
That is why i'm staying over at my friend's house now. Yea.
Tired day. Tough shit.

Mood: Distracted